


Five people that Gabriel picked up in a bar and one that he brought home.

by BladeAchilles



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Crack, M/M, Rare Pairings
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-07-29
Updated: 2013-07-29
Packaged: 2017-12-21 17:02:45
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,850
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/902717
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/BladeAchilles/pseuds/BladeAchilles
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>The title does a pretty good job of summing it up.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Five people that Gabriel picked up in a bar and one that he brought home.

**Author's Note:**

> An old fic imported from my LJ

**Title:** Five people that Gabriel picked up in a bar and one that he brought home.  
 **Rating:** R, mostly for language not porn, sorry.  
 **Warnings:** Angelcest, discussions of Wincest, a bit of angst thrown in.  
 **Pairings:** Gabriel is paired with the following: Becky, Adam, Ash, Pamela, Crowley, and Castiel.  
 **Summary:** The title does a pretty good job of summing it up.  
 **Spoilers:** Up to 5x19.  
  


  
1) Fangirling

   Gabriel is sitting in the bar of some crappy hotel, knocking back martinis around a lollipop (he's getting some weird looks from the bartender, but fuck him, martinis and lollipops are amazing), when the blond girl sitting across the room lets out some sort of high pitched dolphin squeal that he's pretty sure is loud enough to make his ears bleed. She runs across to where he's sitting and starts bouncing up and down and babbling nonsense like she's fit to burst. "Ohmigawd, ohmigawd, it's you, it has to be! It was the lollipop that first clued me in!" Gabriel just stares.

   "What?" Not the most eloquent response, granted, but this girl is crazier than a mongoose on crack.

   "It's you! The Trickster! Gabriel!" Gabriel spits his drink all over the counter. Ignoring the glares from the bartender, he stares at the strange girl, attempting to figure out if she is really a demon or an angel or something else. Nope, she's fully human. So how the hell does this _human_ know his real name?

   "How the hell do you know my name?"

   She giggles. "Oh, Chuck-Chuck Shurley, that is, but you might know him better as Carver Edlund, the author of the amazing _Supernatural_ books, we're totally BFF's now-told me! Well, he didn't so much tell me, but I found the manuscripts for the latest novels and _of course_ I read them! Chuck was kinda mad, but he figured no-one would believe me, which is crazy, because I have like almost _thirty_ followers at morethanbrothers.net."

   Gabriel finds himself taking a deep breath in sympathy-he didn't know that humans could talk that much without pausing. Then what she said caught up to him and he groaned, banging his head against the table. Chuck Shurley-Prophet of the Lord. Of course. And this girl must be one of his apostles. He raised his head and ordered another stream of drinks. He didn't want anything to do with Heaven or angels or prophets anymore, but they just kept coming back into his life. Perfect.

  "Listen, lady,"  
   "Becky! My name's Becky."  
   "Right, Becky. The thing is, I don't really want-" He is cut off by another long rant, this one about how much she thought that the revelation that he was the archangel Gabriel was a great twist, and it explained so much about his motivations in Mystery Spot, and how she totally understood wanting to get away from Heaven, because some of the angels kinda seemed like such drama queens (seriously, Chuck's archangel blasted some guy's car into a fiery wreck just for cutting him off in traffic, and while she appreciated the fact that Chuck was still alive, that was way overreacting), and did Gabriel by any chance have any more of those lollipops, because the cream soda ones were by far her faves?

   Gabriel gave up on trying to get Becky to leave and instead ordered an other round of drinks. Truth be told, he was becoming intrigued with Becky and her enthusiasm. They ended up staying at the bar for the next three hours, becoming more and more drunk as they conversed. By this point, their character study of Sam had devolved into a discussion about his abs and if the Winchesters had ever 'done it'.

   "All that I'm saying is, is that they are _totally_ in love! It's obvious!" Becky waved her drink around, almost falling off the chair. Gabriel reached out to pull her back onto the chair and almost fell off his own in the process.

   "Right, now I'm not doubting that, but c'mon! Dean is all Mr Macho Repress Everything Denial Guy, there's no way that he'd ever be up for a little incestuous fooling around!"

   "But the relationship he has with Sam is so ~*special*~, don't you see? Sam is pretty much the only person in Dean's life! And, um, Gabe, you still have your hand on my arm." Gabriel looked down and yep, she was right. He smirked.

   "Looks like it. So, you wanna come up to my room?" Becky blushed and mumbled something about never really doing anything like this before. Gabriel ratcheted up his grin and set the puppy dog eyes to eleven.

   "Oh, but it'll be _so much fun_. Cross my heart and hope to die."

   "Becky downed the rest of her drink and giggled. "Okay, then. OMG, my LJ friends will never believe this!"

   As they stumbled their way up to Gabriel's room, he wondered if she would babble incoherently when she came, or if that would be enough to still her mouth. Either way, he fully intended to find out.

 

2) The Other Winchester

   The Cheesehead is one of those small, cramped bars that cater mostly to college students. Gabriel looks slightly out of place, but he loves coming here. College students provide so much excellent materiel for his little lessons. He's sitting off to the side, contemplating making the sorority girl at the third table to the left (who is responsible for a veritable river of tears wrung from half the female student body and a fair few of the men as well) switch bodies with the obnoxious, loud, drunk jock hanging around the door grabbing at the breasts of any girl to walk through the door. Just when he's about to snap his fingers and grab the popcorn, a doe-eyed baby-faced med student comes in and sits hesitantly at the bar. Gabriel almost chokes on his margarita. It's been a while since he's gotten any prophecy updates, so he had no clue that there was a third Winchester brother. He's been absorbed in his Loki gig for a long while now, but he can still spot a Winchester when one walks in the door.

   He can't stop himself from going up and talking to the kid. Call it a sentimental weakness, but he just can't resist the temptation to involve himself in the affairs of the Winchesters. Several hours and quite a few beers later, he has discovered that one, the kid is called Adam _Milligan_ , not Winchester (huh, he'd always pegged John as the type of guy who would remain forever loyal to his wife's memory, quietly angsting himself to to death, but apparently the guy got around) and two, he had no clue that anything supernatural existed outside of the movies. As Adam waxed lovingly about how he was following his mother's footsteps into medicine (apparently the whole compulsion to stick with the family business thing was hereditary), Gabriel realized that while he might not have a pipeline to Heaven's affairs any more, he could still predict how this would end.

   Like it or not, the odds were very good that Adam would get dragged into the world his brothers lived in. Sam and Dean were destined to enact the fight between Michael and Lucifer on Earth, and there was no way that Heaven would just forget about the third brother when it came time to turn the lights off. They, too, liked keep things in the family. Gabriel laughed in response to Adam's corny joke about the difference between a lawyer and a shark and shoved another beer in his direction. Adam grinned at Gabriel as he took it. The kid was already well on his way to getting smashed, and Gabriel made a mental note to cut him off after this. As much fun as Adam was having now, he would not be thankful for the hangover in the morning. Then again, the poor kid deserved whatever fun he could squeeze in before he inevitably got tangled up in his brothers' problems. Gabriel knew first hand just how much _that_ sucked, oh yes he did. He hoped that Adam would find a way to get away from it all when the time came. Some way to just say 'screw you and your popsicle stand' when Heaven came a knocking. Doubtful, though. Destiny has a way of pulling you in just when you think that you've gotten away.

   Dammit, why shouldn't Adam spend tonight living it up? Hangovers would be the least of his problems if he got caught up in the Apocalypse, after all. As he watched Adam snort beer out his nose when the jock by the door got slapped in the face by a Lit Major, a thought struck Gabriel. There were other ways to party without getting so drunk that you spend the next day vomiting. This would require all of his finesse and sparkling charm, however. Turning to face Adam, Gabriel held up a Starburst that he'd snapped up.

   "Hey, I heard that if you can unwrap a Starburst in your mouth, you're a great kisser. Wanna give it a try?"

3) Fancy a shag?

   Crowley didn't usually frequent hole-in-the-wall dives like the bar he was currently downing shots in, but he figured that any demons looking for him wouldn't believe that a classy guy like him would go to a dump like this. He really shouldn't be out in a public place right now, but dammit, he needed a drink after finding what remained of his tailor. Poor Ben. He was a wizard with silk suits. He reached for his drink but was distracted by a burst of laughter coming from the corner. There was a group of burly truckers and bikers gathered around some weedy guy who was gesturing wildly and obviously telling some tall tale of a story. The guy was dressed like your average patron of establishments like this, some awful button-up shirt with a shabby jacket, but he was very, very different from the hicks hanging on to his every word. To start with, he wasn't human. Crowley downed his last shot and got up. Oh, this was going to be beautiful.

   "...and then, right when he thought he was safe, the zombie dressed like Mr. T burst through the window! You should have seen his face, it was priceless." Everybody laughed and shot each other looks that said _can you believe this guy?_ Gabriel's laughter was cut off when a man dressed up in a black suit sidled up to the group and smirked at him.

   "Hello, Angel." Gabriel was just about to smite the ever loving Hell out of this demon who was gate-crashing his fun, when he motioned for Gabriel to continue.

   "Don't mind me, I'm just very _interested_ in your stories. Please, go on." Gabriel hesitated, and then decided fuck it, he was enjoying himself way too much.

   "Have I told you guys the one about hte frat boy and the alien? No? Well, it started when...." Later, when everyone but the demon (whose name was apparently Crowley) had staggered off to their homes or their trucks, Gabriel snapped his fingers and proceeded to devour almost an entire chocolate cake while Crowley watched bemusedly.

   "You know, you're not like any of the other angels I've had the misfortune of meeting," he drawled.

   "Oh yeah?" Gabriel mumbled around an absurdly large bite of cake. "In what way?"

   "Well, for one, you don't seem to have a stick up your arse."

   Gabriel laughed. "That's true. Have you met Michael? No, you wouldn't be alive if you had, but let me tell you, that guy has a serious stick-ass problem." Gabriel gave Crowley a considering look, then slowly licked a smear of chocolate icing off his finger. "While I don't have a stick up my ass, there may be.....something else I'm willing to insert there, if you catch my drift."

   Crowley's grin widened. "I thought you'd never ask. Bathroom or alleyway? I'm feeling a bit _dirty_ tonight, you could say."

   Gabriel's leer was positively blasphemous for an angel, and Crowley loved it.

   "Alleyway. And I'll bring the handcuffs."

 

4 and 5) So an angel, a seer, and a hillbilly walk into a bar...

   Gabriel was currently dead, and it really sucked. Lucifer had turned out to be as big of a dick as Michael, and now Gabriel was stuck lurking around the corners of Heaven while Kali worked on that blood spell that should hopefully bring him back to the land of the living. He just really hoped he didn't bump into any angels until then, because that would get awkward real fast. Doubtless whoever was running the joint  in his Dad's absence (which was probably Michael, isn't that special) would have some very pointed questions to ask, and Gabriel was not in the mood. Getting stabbed _hurt._

   He was hiding inside the memories of someone named Henriksen, when he sensed something that almost made him jolt out of his disguise as FBI Agent #2 to the left. Someone was hacking into Henriksen's memories, and that was in no way possible. Screw the possibility of getting caught by Heaven's mooks, he had to check this out. Curiousity may have killed the cat, but Bast seemed to have come back okay.

   Pam sipped at her beer and brought up Lynyrd Skynyrd's _Simple Man_ on the jukebox while Ash typed furiously away at his computer. Ash was always on the lookout for more hunters to bring into this version of the Roadhouse, he had something about not liking the bar being so quiet. Pam kinda liked the quiet of the place, though. The two of them would play pool and gossip about events down on Earth, and the nights would either end them passing out drunk or fucking on the pool table. Judging by the intensity that Ash was directing at his battered computer, it looked like it would be the former. Oh well, she could always see what that one hunter from Memphis (Joe? Jack? Something like that) was doing tonight now that he wasn't stuck in his memories. Hunters didn't usually have very many happy memories, so when she and Ash broke them out they tended to be quite grateful. Her musings were cut short when some guy she'd never seen before walked through the doors and sat down at the bar like he owned the place. "Who do I have to blow to get a drink in here?"

   Ash looked up from his computer in confusion. "Who the hell are you?"

   "An excellent question," the stranger replied. "I would tell you to call me Loki, but considering where we are, I suppose Gabriel is a more appropiate response. Nice place you got here, by the way. Love what you've done with the decor, those beer stains really add a lot to the tone."

  Pam sucks in a breath and glances at Ash, who slowly brings his hand down below the table to where a shotgun is hidden. "An angel, huh? I'm not very fond of angels. Bad experience with one." And was that ever an understatment. Gabriel just nodded sympathetically.

  "I hear ya on that one, sister. One of them just stabbed a sword through my chest not too long ago. Last time I do a favor for the Winchesters, I tell you. That's why I'm here, actually. And there I was, hiding in some remote corner of Heaven, hoping that I didn't into any of my brothers (dicks, the lot of them), when I caught a whiff of this place." He leaned his elbows back on the bar and grinned at them. "Like I said, nice place. Quiet, out of the way, just the sort of homey abode I could see myself hunkering down in until I get a few things sorted out back on Earth." Pam looked at Ash, and nodded just a bit. Gabriel didn't seem like any other angel she'd met (and she'd met way more than she'd ever wanted to), and it didn't look like he was going to rat him out to the guys in charge. Not if he was connected to the Winchesters, that was. Ash let go of the shotgun and reached out to grab a beer for their new friend. Gabriel's grin widened in to what could only be called a leer as he popped the cap off. "So, what's on the menu for tonight? What do you folks do for fun around here?"

   Pam gave Gabriel a considering look. A little short for her tastes, but judging by the way he was mouthing that beer bottle, he would be able to make up for that in other ways. Nice ass, too. She put on her best smirk to match his. "Well, we usually start with a couple games of pool, and then see where the night takes us from there." As she got out the pool cues and Ash chuckled at the blatent come-on in her tone, she reflected that it was a good thing that she'd already discovered that the pool table could hold the weight of three people. Looked like she was getting laid tonight after all.

1) Family

   So there Gabriel is, minding his own business, sipping on a cold beer in some forgettable bar in Buttfuck, Nebraska when who should pop in next to him but Heaven's nerdiest angel, Castiel. "I would like many alcoholic drinks, please. I do not particularly care what kind they are, except for tequila, which makes my mouth ache and I would prefer to save that until I am so intoxicated that I don't notice. Thank you," he calmly announces to the bartender. Gabriel is too busy wiping beer off the front his shirt and gaping in astonishment to say anything until Castiel has already downed the first shot in front of him.

   "Castiel? What the hell, bro? What are you doing here? I thought you were busy trying to save humanity." Castiel stares at him in that slightly unnerving way that was his hallmark before gulping down the next shot and responding.

   The liquor store proved insufficient." Castiel continued to work his way mechanically through an impressive line of shots as Gabriel tried to think of something to say. This should be enough to send him off into uncontrollable fits of laughter, the sight of Castiel, naive, innocent, way-too-serious and overly literal _Castiel_ downing shots like a hardened alcoholic. But there's too much desperation and anger and despair in the way Cas sat hunched over his drinks for Gabriel to find the situation amusing. They sat in silence for a while as Gabriel casts around for something to say.

   "I heard something about you going on a Find Dad Quest. I'm guessing it's not going well, huh?" Castiel glared into his drink.

   "I do not want to talk about it, Gabriel." And that's okay with him. He never did much like heart to heart talks, they make him squirm. But he can't just let Cas sit there drinking shots on his own like it's the last night on Earth. So he starts trying to talk to him, nothing too major, just little things like the weather (okay, maybe that was a bad starting topic, since the storm going on outside is another sign of the Apocalypse), what he thinks of the latest _Dr Sexy, M.D._ episode (his brother is seriously lacking any pop-culture knowledge, which Gabriel is going to have to rectify one of these days), and whether or not it's true that Zachariah recently bought a toupee (this just gets him another Serious Business Cstiel Does Not Have Time For Such Nonsense stare). He spends a couple of hours this way, making mostly one-sided conversation while Castiel gets drunker than a skunk. Eventually they start getting huffy sighs from the bartender accompanied with pointed glares in the direction of the hours of operation sign.

   "Okay, Cas, looks like they're closing up. C'mon, we can't stay here. Time to go home."

   Castiel peers up at him from where he's ressting his head head against the bar. "But I want to drink some more. And I don't want to return to the Winchesters and tell them that our Father is remaining silent now, at the End of Days, and I can't go home anyways. Not anymore." Maybe it was the soulful look in Cas's eyes, maybe it was the fact that Gabriel hadn't seen any of his family in a very, very long time, but whatever it was, Gabriel decided to take Cas back to his place for the night. Not one of the absurdly luxurious rooms tucked into the corner of a reality he'd created, but the shabby, cramped little apartment that he had called home for years now.

   He zaps them straight there from outside the bar, Castiel leaning against him for support. "Here we are, Cas, home sweet home. For tonight, mi casa su casa." Castiel just slowly slides down to rest in a crumpled head on the floor, still staring quizzically at everything. Damn, Cas was more drunk then he'd thought. Just when he was about to pick his brother up and drag him off to the bed, his dog came trotting up to investigate the new arrival. Castiel fixed the dog with a piercing stare.

   "You have a pet?"

   "Yep. Did Spot miss his daddy? Did he?" He leaned down to pick up Spot, but the dog is too interested in licking Cas's face to respond. Cas reaches a hand up and manages to pet the dog on the third try.

   "Spot. That's a good name. Hello, Spot."

   "Ok, I'm glad that you like my dog, and obviously he likes you too, but we really need to get you into bed so you can sleep off this bender." After a long struggle in which Cas kept sliding bonelessly to the floor and Spot wouldn't stop jumping up to get attention from him, Gabriel had finally managed to get Castiel's shoes and trench coat off and now he was splayed out on the only bed in the apartment. "There you go, Cas. You drank roughly a lake's worth of booze tonight, and while once you've gotten to my level that just means an awesome night, you really need to get some sleep, ok?" He starts to leave, planning on crashing on the couch tonight, when Castiel stops him.  
  
   "Stay, Gabriel, please. I don't want to be alone tonight." Gabriel freezes in the doorway.  
  
   "You sure 'bout this?" He asks, without looking at Cas.  
  
   "Yes," was the simple response. Gabriel looks back over his shoulder and sees Castiel sitting up on the bed, his face half hidden in the shadow from the door. He's sitting straight up, posture very different from the flopping mess he was when Gabriel dumped him on the bed.  
  
   "Alright."  
  
   Later that night, Castiel is snoring softly, looking oddly relaxed in sleep. Gabriel lays there, wings and arms wrapped tightly around his slumbering brother, and all he can think about is how much he's missed this. 

 


End file.
